Dear L-2744 Webmeister,

I was at home depressed, mulling over what I was missing at work; when recollection and memory brought me to the kitchen. Oh the days; when all we could afford to buy for the “B” shift food fund was beans. Close your eyes and remember along with me. No, you can’t use beano in your dream. To all the “B” shifters past, present and future-keep up the tradition and cook some beans.

Pot O’ B Shift Beans

Step 1- Collect one dollar from each member of the shift. If they don’t want in, tell them a Bob Sissong joke it will put them in the mood for beans.

Step 2- Make a list for the rookie to go shopping (see below). Remind him that if he makes a mistake he will pay dearly for it the rest of his career.

Step 3- Now this is a key point! If you are going to start cooking before 5 pm, make sure that someone distracts the platoon commander or just turn the clock ahead so you have an excuse if you get caught. Throw everything into a pot, bring to a boil and slow simmer until it is cooked.

Step 4- Sit down at the table together and eat. Try and act like a family. If all else fails, make fun of the other shifts behind their back. That should spark the bonding process.

Step 5- Watch TV, listen to the music, keep the building shut up tight and have a good laugh when the next shift comes on duty in the morning.

Rookie’s list

5 to 6 lbs of assorted beans- pintos, baby limas, navy, white beans -no black beans or butter beans!

2 -3 lbs of meat- make it an assortment- kielbasa, ham hocks, hot links, smoked poultry or other pork products

1 ½ cup each of chopped onions, carrots and celery

¼ cup finely chopped jalapeno peppers

2 bay leaves

6 to 8 tablespoons of Knorrs chicken bouillon- powdered- (caldo de pollo)

salt and pepper to taste- after the beans are done

Helpful hints

Use the largest, oldest, most haggard pot in the station

“To soak or not to soak?” That is the question- I think soaking makes a tender bean

If you soak beans at home and then start them before 8 am, you can have them for lunch and dinner.

Fill pot with cold water after ingredients are in – keep an eye on the water- if this is your first time cooking beans ½ the recipe for starts

Have something to sop with- biscuits, tortillas or corn bread

Garnish with – hot sauce, sour cream, cheese, cilantro, onions, chopped tomatoes- the sky is the limit